I saw a truck spewing more smoke out the tail pipe than I’ve ever seen. It was billowing smoke like a house on fire. There was a whole haze all the way down the street after it went by.

Gives new meaning to the term ‘gross polluter.’

Kool-Aid + Splenda + Seltzer water = Not bad!

I think I should call it SplendAid!

The exact measurements I used (on this batch) were:

• 2 packets of Kool-Aid
• 2 1/4 cups of Splenda
• 2 quarts water
• 1 quart seltzer water

This yields a lightly-carbonated soda. it is a bit more concentrated than ‘standard’ Kool-Aid, and slightly sweeter (to offset the bitterness of the carbonation). For reference, Kool-Aid made ‘by the book’ would call for 4 quarts of water and 2 cups of sugar (or Splenda) to make 2 packets worth.

Sucralose (trade name Splenda) is marketed as an artificial sweetener that tastes like sugar, instead of tasting like fake sugar. It’s chemically similar to sugar, and is supposed to not have the bitter taste of fake sugar. It sounds like the perfect artificial sweetener.

Unfortunately, it’s almost utterly impossible to find products made with sucralose.

Sure, there’s tons of shit that emblazons itself with the claim “Made with Splenda!”

But they’re not made with Splenda.

They’re made with Splenda plus fake sugar.

WHICH DEFEATS THE WHOLE FUCKING PURPOSE

• David Gilmour
• About Face - David Gilmour
• On An Island - David Gilmour
• Amused to Death - Roger Waters
• La Luna - Sarah Brightman

(via Rasputin)

• Please Please Me
• With The Beatles
• Magical Mystery Tour

(via Rasputin)

I believe this officially completes my Beatles collection.

I used to say that Pink Floyd was my favourite band. Now, I realize that at best they’re a tie with The Alan Parsns Project. The Project has the unique property that I actually really like just about everything they ever did. Even Pink Floyd can’t claim that.

So, in my typical style, on the Binary Scale (which goe from 0 to 1, integral), is my review of the Project discography and related albums.

Project Albums

• Tales of Mystery and Imagination
  The Project’s debut album, inspired by the works of Edgar Allen Poe. This is one of their best.

  Score: 2
  Top Picks: The Tell-Tale Heart, The Cask of Amontillado, The System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether

• I Robot
  Described as “A look at the future through the eyes of the present,” this is another one of their best

  Score: 2
  Top Picks: I Robot, Don’t Let It Show, The Voice

• Pyramid
  The complement to I Robot, described as “A look at the past through the eyes of the present,” this is good, but I don’t like it quite as much as the others.

  Score: 1
  Top Picks: In The Lap of the Gods, Pyramania

• Eve
  As the title implies, an album about women, and their effect on men. Generally believed to be their weakest album, meaning that instead of being great, it is merely good.

  Score: 1
  Top Picks: You Lie Down With Dogs, Damned If I Do

• Turn of a Friendly Card
  An album about risk, reward, and luck. Another one of their best.

  Score: 2
  Top Picks: Games People Play, The Ace of Swords, Nothing Left to Lose

• Eye In The Sky
  Their best selling album, with their biggest hit single as the title track, this album is all great.

  Score: 2
  Top Picks: Eye In The Sky, Silence and I, Psychobabble

• Ammonia Avenue
  An album about the disconnect between scientific development and the public perception thereof, this is sometimes cites as their most ‘radio friendly’ album. I didn’t like this one when I first heard it, but it grew on me after subsequent listenings

  Score: 2
  Top Picks: Prime Time, Dancing on a Highwire, Pipeline, Ammonia Avenue

• Vulture Culture
  An album about consumerism, originally planned to be part of a double album with Ammonia Avenue, but ultimately released separately. Not one of their very best, but still a great album.

  Score: 2
  Top Picks: Days are Numbers, Somebody Out There

• Stereotomy
  An album about the pressures of fame, this is one of my favorites, though not one of their most successful albums.

• Score: 2
  Top Picks: Stereotomy, In The Real World, Where’s The Walrus, Light of the World

• Gaudi
  The Project’s final album before the official ‘breakup’, inspired by architect Antoni Gaudi. Again, a great album but not one of their best.

• Score: 2
  Top Picks: La Sagrada Familia, Too Late, Standing on Higher Ground

Solo Releases

• Eric Woolfson - Freudiana
  A Project album in all but name, featuring almost all members of the original group, this is half Project-style prog-rock, and half musical soundtrack-style tracks — Woolfson subsequently turned the project into an actual stage musical.

  Score: 2
  Top Picks: The Nirvana Principle, I Am A Mirror, Upper Me

• Andrew Powell - Ladyhawke Soundtrack
  Released as an ostensibly solo album by the Project’s orchestra conductor, this is almost an (instrumental) Project album in its own right. Its style is very much like the synth/rock/orchestra Project tracks of the 80s, though it’s mostly made up of very short songs, being the soundtrack to the movie of the same name.

  Score: 1

Alan Parsons Solo Albums

• Try Anything Once
  Parsons’ first ostensibly ‘solo’ album, in realty every bit an ensemble as a Project album. It has no overarching theme to it, but it is one of his best.

  Score: 2
  Top Picks: The Three Of Me, Turn It Up, Mr. Time, Oh Life (There Must Be More)

• On Air
  An album about human flight. This is probably my favorite Parsons solo album. It also marks the beginning of Parsons’ experimentation with Techno-style music with Apollo

  Score: 2
  Top Picks: Too Close to the Sun, Blown by the Wind, Fall Free, Apollo

• The Best Of Live
  A live album with three bonus studio tracks, I only review (and indeed, own) the studio tracks here.

  The thing about an act like Parsons is, even when they’re bad, they’re good. And these tracks… They’re great.

  Score: 2

• The Time Macine
  I think this is Parsons’ weakest solo album, but it’s still good, and has some really great tracks on it. It continues his experimentation with Techno-esque music, though still mostly Projectesque prog-rock tracks.

  Score: 2
  Top Picks: The Time Machine Part I, The Call of the Wild

• A Valid Path
  I heard this album described as (in so many words) “Alan Parsons Goes Techno”, and I knew I had to have it. I went out and bought it new (instead of used like most of what I buy). It’s true. Alan Parsons has gone techno. It’s still Parsons, but it’s Parsons in a whole new genre. And it has all the musical goodness of Alan Parsons. Also features David Gilmour on guitar on Return to Tunguska

  Score: 2
  Top Picks: Return to Tunguska, Chomolungma

Various ‘Best Of’ Albums

How the hell can you have a ‘best of’ album when damn near every album you ever released is already a ‘best of’ album? I won’t bother to review them as it should be obvious what it would say at this point.

Albums

• Metallica - Master of Puppets
  Commonly considered to be their best album, this has some great classics, and some lukewarm tracks.

  Score: 1
  Top Picks: Master of Puppets, Welcome Home, Orion

• Metallica - S&M
  A live album, recorded with the San Francisco Symphony. While I usually like rock/symphony fusion (witness all the Alan Parsons and ELO in my collection), this one doesn’t really appeal.

  Score: .5

• Pink Floyd - A Saucerful of Secrets
  While I already had this one, I picked it up again as this is a more recent, higher-quality release. Early Floyd, as they were transitioning from their early psychadelic rock sound to progressive rock. Most of it is great, but some of it is merely good.

  Score: 1
  Top Picks: Let There Be More Light, Remember A Day, Jugband Blues

• Alan Parsons - You’re The Voice
  Actually there is no such album, I compiled these three tracks as a ‘fictitious EP’ from the three bonus tracks off the Best Of Live CD, since those were the only three tracks I bought.

  The thing about an act like Parsons is, even when they’re bad, they’re good. And these tracks… They’re great.

  Score: 2

Single Tracks

• The Alan Parsons Project - The Naked Robot
  A compilation of early edits to the instrumental tracks on I Robot. Very similar to the final releases, but there’s a few differences to be spotted.

  Score: 1

• Alan Parsons - Antarctica
  This is actually “Return to Tunguska” off A Valid Path, minus David Gilmour’s guitar overdubs. It’s a good song on its own, but it’s missing a lot of its power without the guitar.

  Score: 1 (The full version would get a 2)

• Ozzy Ozbourne - Crazy Train
  Classic metal track from Ozzy; there’s not much more to say

  Score: 1

• 3 Doors Down - When I’m Gone
  Another favorite 3 Doors Down track of mine, along with Kryptonite and Loser

  Score: 1

• Theory of a Deadman - Bad Girlfriend
  Fun, upbeat metal song about a risque girlfriend.

  Score: 1

• Alan Parsons - The Time Machine
• Eric Woolfson - Freudiana
• Andrew Powell - Ladyhawke

(Stolen off the internet, as they are all out of print)

You hear that, Mr. Music Industry? You just lost THREE SALES because you couldn’t even be bothered to SELL THE DAMN THINGS